The most important thing you learn about making it through Chicago winters alive is probably "the walk". It's what you see on the evening news during the weather segment- you know, stock footage of truly miserable looking people trudging down Michigan Avenue, so bundled up you can't even tell where the poly-fill nylon ends and the lazy Midwestern fat begins. It can basically be summed up as:
Shuffle shuffle dear god my lungs they are so cold ok just breathe through your scarf look down so the tears don't freeze your eyelids shut. Simple, yet effective.
A few weeks ago during a particularly nasty snowstorm, I was concentrating very hard on the sidewalk in order to keep the number of times I bit it on the ice to under a baker's dozen (note to readers, most definitely failed this mission in the most epic of ways: by falling down right in front of a really cute have-a-minute-to-save-the-children? dudes). While I am usually unable to find even the most obviously misplaced items (sunglasses on the head, keys in pocket, tube of lipgloss in the dryer-you know, the usual), my girls-love-sparkly-things instinct kicked in as I spotted something shiny in the snow. I picked up what looked like an engagement ring, and what I have found out is a real diamond set in white gold.
So the question remains: What to do with the ring? After weeks of trolling the Craigslist lost and found, I've decided to give up on trying to find its owner. My options are as follows:
1. Re-size the ring to fit my own finger. One this about this ring is that it is HUGE. It's barely even snug on my thumb, leading me to believe that it may quite possibly be the engagement ring of a sasquatch or a women's rugby team captain. Anyways, I can only imagine the fun times to be had at the bar by picking up random dudes and then later showing them the ring and telling them about my crazy-jealous ex-con Fiancee! Plus, I'm pretty excited to witness the caliber of dude that is attracted to an obviously-engaged chick.
2. Keep the ring until the day I find the one man I want to spend the rest of my life with (Casey Affleck, i'm lookin right at you). Seriously, this ring is dude-sized!
3. Take the ring to a pawn shop and trade it in for something really awesome, like a Jesus chain or a flying-V electric guitar. I am a little concerned about the karmic implications of pawning what is essentially a symbol of someone's love cast aside, but c'monnnnn, FLYING V GUITAR!
So guys, what should I do? Leave your answers in the comments section!
